well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You can't special order awesome
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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