we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
