what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize