In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
