Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
