I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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