you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
