I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
