tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
