I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
