She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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