trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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