I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That accounts for only three of the penises
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
