i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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