So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
