like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
