I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize