i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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