My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Randomize
