Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
