your parents love me but you hate me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize