tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
