I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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