the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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