Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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