Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
