It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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