You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
