Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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