Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
