Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
