i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's the barista slut.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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