Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
