Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize