Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wish there were birth control emojis
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
