we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
