If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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