literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
