We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
