it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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