Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize