last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I smell stomach acid.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
