he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this just has baby written all over it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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