Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
