I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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