I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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