ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
