Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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