i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
