Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
