Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
