Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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