I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
