There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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