so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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