we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
