so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
