I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
