you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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