chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
