kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I cut my penus on the lid.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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