Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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