dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
