Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
FUCK WHALES
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
