My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize