So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
