apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
