My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
