I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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