it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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