U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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