She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
