When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
