; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He better not be in your backpack
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
