sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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