i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
