He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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