I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
