I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
