Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize