Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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