I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
