wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
