Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
