Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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