I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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