Got a toothbrush?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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