My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
