put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize