The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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