im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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