I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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