it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
