i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
