had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
