I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize