I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
