I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
