your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize