Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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