it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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