Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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