Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
