the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
