bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
