I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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